The Overplayed Tracks

There’s so much joy and purpose as I commit to living life—the only one I have—to the full. Maybe 25 summers left if I’m lucky. I want them to count. But there are also a few tracks that keep looping—ones that are harder to sit with. They’re part of the full playlist too. And I want to be honest about them.

I really practise dispelling negative thoughts, but we all worry a little, right? And often, we overplay these worries in our minds, turning them up louder than they need to be.

One of the toughest things at the moment is my relationship with my mother. Her mind, body and soul are all changing, and our connection is becoming more and more strained. She doesn’t seem to want my help or value my company, and every day that reality eats away at me. It’s painful. Quietly relentless. And hard to talk about. I support her practically in every way I can, but it’s heart-rending to want to be loved in another of life’s difficult phases.

Then there are friendships that feel distant. The ones that aren’t physically present are especially hard to maintain. Some feel challenging, and I know I need to work better, smarter, and harder with them. Just being able to listen and support without relying on positivity or regular connection is something I’m still learning. It’s an area I want to grow in—quiet supportiveness without the rhythm of regular check-ins.

And there’s something else I’m working through: living on the ocean.
It’s beautiful, but it forces me to confront some long-held demons. The vastness of that water can bring up real fear. This trip, I’ve entered the sea a couple of times—tentatively, slowly—but felt so good afterwards. And this weekend, I got on our boat and ventured out into the ocean. Nerve-racking at first, but afterwards? I felt like Buffy—slaying demons and dragons in one go.

Not all of my purpose-led and giving ventures are landing either. I’ve said yes to too many activities—maybe too many full stop. I wonder if I’m collaborating too widely, juggling too many giving-balls, and dropping a few important ones along the way.

It made me realise I probably need to focus on just two key areas in my UK work:
→ Dereham Meeting Point, and
→ The five scholarships for girls at Norwich High School.

And likewise, two key areas in Thailand where my heart and effort belong:
→ Our Academy for Youth with Potential, and
→ Saving the leatherback turtles.

None of this is dramatic—it’s just life. Real and sometimes heavy. But sharing it here feels important. Sometimes when I name these things, it becomes easier to punch away the negative thoughts before they take over.

I hope you don’t mind me being honest. And maybe—just maybe—it’s helpful to someone else too. Because even when life looks vibrant on the outside, we’re all carrying our own overplayed tracks underneath.