Hi, it’s Harriet here.
I hope you are staying safe, happy, and well in whatever level of lockdown your part of the world is in.
The more I read and discuss this month, the more I sense we are all reflecting in some way on the events of the year and the impact this vortex of change is having on all of our lives in very profound ways.
I think all of us are feeling a mix of emotions as we plan and replan our lives and businesses! As we focus on what we can control and our responses, loving ourselves and each other – all we need is love ?
In this newsletter, our Kindness Matters edition, I am sharing some of my posts from recent weeks that I hope together will serve to provide some support, advice, and inspiration to increase resilience and boost positivity.
I think reaching out every day where we can with kindness and grace is critical as giver and receiver, and I start with a beautiful quote I was sent last week around friendship that has stood the test of time!
“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over. So in a series of acts of kindness there is, at last, one which makes the heart run over.”
James Boswell, #onthisday 29 October
Why conscious breathing is so essential to stress reduction
The importance of deep, deep conscious breathing is my go-to way of dealing with feelings of anxiety and stress. When I feel overwhelmed it helps me psychologically, physiologically, and anatomically.
This excellent Harvard Business Review article explains how breathing helps both immediate and long-term stress reduction.
Research shows that different emotions are associated with different forms of breathing, and so changing how we breathe can change how we feel. For example, when you feel joy, your breathing will be regular, deep, and slow. If you feel anxious or angry, your breathing will be irregular, short, fast, and shallow. Changing your breathing rhythm slows your heart rate, triggering your parasympathetic nervous system, and your ability to think rationally returns. I also mentally exhale past troubling thoughts and inhale new positive vibes – it makes me smile too!
From the wonderful comments on my earlier post I can see that these techniques work for many of you also. I also learned from you that it is has a formal Pranayama – Prana meaning life force or breath sustaining the body; Ayama translates as “to extend or draw out.” ?
Ways to boost your resilience at work
Even for the most resilient, the events taking place across the world right now are having a huge impact on wellbeing & mental health.
I found this Harvard Business Review article very interesting as I personally focus on the following 3 main areas of this critical toolkit.
1. Cultivate more compassion
Firstly for ourselves and then for others! According to research, expressed and demonstrated compassion increases positive emotions, creates positive work relationships, and increases cooperation and collaboration.
2. Compartmentalise your cognitive load
Apparently, we receive 11 million bits of information every second, but our brain can effectively process only 40 bits! So if we can’t reduce the amount of information we receive, we must compartmentalise doing certain tasks only at certain times, as we might with exercise – a sort of monotasking!
3. Exercise more mindfulness & get trained.
Social psychologists are finding that mindfulness predicts judgment accuracy and insight-related problem solving and the available online training can be fun and fulfilling!
Be assured, all of us, from well-known fitness gurus and CEOs, are struggling some days to make sense of it all and ourselves.
On Mental Health Day (10th October) I shared some of my experiences and actions as I try to be the best most stable version of me I can be!
– indulge in my hobbies; read & read all my comfort books again! Winnie the Pooh is making a comeback!
– learning more about my new hobbies, joining a community of assistant beekeepers even though I find them very daunting in their vast knowledge!
– connecting online with the many different art clubs to fulfill my desire to continue appreciating art when I can’t visit galleries
– I’ve delivered pots of our honey up and down the street to say ‘Hi’ and share (not least because our bees collected pollen most likely from our neighbours gardens). The chats that ensue are just wonderful and uplifting for me, and I hope others!
– used social media to make many new connections and to help mentor and support individuals who have expressed a specific need during lockdown to discuss their future careers and gain some extra business coaching.
6 ways a crisis can help you cultivate a growth mindset
As this excellent HBR article summarises, there are positives to be found in any crisis, particularly when you adopt a growth mindset.
· Be patient
· Teach the growth mindset to others – and reinforce it in yourself
· Send the right signals
· Reset expectations and revisit established practices
· Get to know your teammates better
Keep asking ‘what more can I learn’, find new ways of team working and to problem solve and you will find new opportunities, I’m certain.
I am hearing so many wonderful stories of new initiatives that would not have happened if it were not for lockdown, Teens in AI – a virtual community of inspired, talented, and creative people from diverse backgrounds and countries working to change the course of this critical situation with good tech and AI is just one example.
I’d love to hear and share your positive lockdown stories.
So what are we learning about ourselves and others through an extraordinary 2020?
To me, it seems the way we influence others and change behaviour has inexorably transformed.
At the core of how we all change lies a central red thread of trust.
Do we trust the person or organisation, government, or unit who is suggesting we do something differently?!
I believe that if this red thread of trust remains intact, unbroken, and sustained, we can build upon progressive reinforcement and the fundamental change desires.
But, without the red thread of trust, these steps might achieve some movement towards the new end in mind, but it’s unlikely to be profound and long-lasting.
This insightful article from McKinsey & Company takes a look at influence models through the coronavirus lens, and how we can shift mindsets and behaviours:
I also recommend this Forbes article which has some good advice for virtual workers to take ownership of their ‘trustability’.
In this HBR article about the neuroscience of trust I think we need to do 3 things:
1. Recognise and herald excellence whenever we can!
“Neuroscience shows that recognition has the largest effect on trust when it occurs immediately after a goal has been met, when it comes from peers, and when it’s tangible, unexpected, personal, and public”.
2. Give employees discretion in how they do their work
Once employees have been trained, allow them, whenever possible, to manage people, and execute projects in their own way.
3. Share information broadly and beautifully
Only 40% of employees report that they are well informed about their company’s goals, strategies, and tactics. Uncertainty about the company’s direction leads to chronic stress and undermines teamwork. Openness is the antidote.
On this important topic of trust, I also recommend watching ‘The Speed of Trust’ by Stephen R Covey.
The importance of mentoring
It’s relevant to all of us, in all stages of our career, whatever age we are, and should be a true learning partnership for both mentor and mentee.
A great mentor will help guide you to where you want to be plus learn from you as you take the journey of discovery together.
3 SIMPLE TIPS
1. Consider who you would your mentor to be and just ask them! If you would like to be a mentor, offer your services in a LinkedIn post, and respond enthusiastically when asked!
2. Take a little personal risk in all this. Remember, 100% of the shots you don’t take definitely don’t go in… so go take your mentoring shot.
3. Being an active mentor contributes to you being a better hirer, developer of people, and winner in the war for talent.
The SCARF Model
I am often reminded, during mentoring and business coaching sessions, of the importance of human relatedness and regular one-on-ones.
This prompts me to refer to David Rocks superb work on the SCARF model (https://lnkd.in/gXPveQZ) which involves five domains of human social experience:
S tatus
C ertainty
A utonomy
R elatedness
F airness
Here are my top tips for you to intensify and to help support your own teams during these challenging times – the goal being to create conditions where everyone feels lifted to do and be the best version of themselves.
1. More regular agenda-free 1:1’s testing wellbeing, state of mind and reinforcing the tenets of belonging
2. Much more positive feedback, in the moment with examples and recognition shared within the group
3 Finding more fun ways to keep everyone informed and involved with deep full consultation often
4. More structured communications and update sessions e.g Tuesday at 10 you send out a team update, plus Wednesdays at 2 we all update together
5. Discretion at the point of decision-making is particularly important at this time reinforcing why each person’s own judgment is so, so important.
My need for creativity and love of words is articulated so well in this Fast Company article that highlights why poetry is such a great resource to support new thinking, stimulate innovation, and provide a new level of confidence. I am also finding that in these challenging times, great poetry helps centre and delight me.
I shared one of my favourite poems, Invictus (unconquerable) by William E Henleypoem. Thank you for sharing your motivations, from your children’s work to ‘Phenomenal Women’ by Maya Angelou, plus several mentions of the wonderful Rudyard Kipling’s, IF. ? ? ?
I also have a huge love of reading, and when I’m asked for book recommendations people are often surprised that I turn to fiction, rather than non-fiction texts.
Neuroscience research suggests that reading literary fiction helps people develop empathy as well as critical thinking. It’s also so much fun to enter different worlds and get completely lost for a few hours, learning to love new characters and delve into their situations.
My top fiction recommendations are in this sketchnote, and you can find my video book review series on YouTube.
When I posted specifically about Ikigai, the Japanese secret to a long and happy life, this seemed to be a popular book choice! It filled me with joy to know that so many find this thinking and practise supporting their daily work and that the comments inspired many more of you to add it to your reading list.
Next week I’ll be posting my latest review of The Midnight Library.
As we enter November together I wish you all good luck and I hope the inputs from this ‘kindness edition’ of my newsletter are helpful.
Thank you so much, Harriet
